You are not Broken. You are wired differently.
Take what helps, skip what doesn’t, and remember you don’t have to do this alone.
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🎭 The Mask Inventory
A worksheet from ND Hive. Companion to “What is Masking?”
What this is
Masking is the constant performance of “normal” that ND adults run, mostly unconsciously. You do not know how much you mask until you map it. This worksheet helps you see the inventory of masks you wear, the cost of each, and which ones are safe to start lowering.
Takes 12 to 15 minutes. The act of doing the inventory IS part of unmasking.
How masking works
- You learn early that “normal” is rewarded. Quiet hands, eye contact, not stimming, not interrupting.
- You build masks that fit different contexts. Work mask. Family mask. Friends mask. New-people mask.
- The masks become automatic. You wear them without choosing.
- The cost is paid in private. Shutdown after, exhaustion, identity confusion, loss of access to your real self.
The work is inventory first, then deciding which masks to lower in which spaces.
Part 1: List your contexts
For each context where you spend regular time, rate (1 = total mask, 5 = no mask) how much you mask there.
| Context | Mask level (1-5) |
|---|---|
| Work / professional | _____ |
| Family of origin | _____ |
| Romantic partner | _____ |
| Closest friends | _____ |
| Acquaintances / casual social | _____ |
| Strangers (store, etc.) | _____ |
| Healthcare / medical settings | _____ |
| Online / social media | _____ |
| Alone | _____ |
Where is the mask highest? Where is it lowest? Notice the gap.
Part 2: Audit specific masks
For each mask below, mark whether you do it. Be honest.
Body masks
- ☐ Suppressing stims (foot bouncing, hand flapping, fidgeting)
- ☐ Forcing eye contact when it’s painful
- ☐ Holding facial expressions you don’t naturally make
- ☐ Modulating your voice volume / pitch to fit the room
- ☐ Sitting still when your body wants to move
- ☐ Pretending sensory input doesn’t bother you
Communication masks
- ☐ Practicing conversations before they happen
- ☐ Scripting responses for predictable scenarios
- ☐ Performing surprise / interest you don’t actually feel
- ☐ Modulating your speech speed / pattern
- ☐ Hiding your special interests in mixed company
- ☐ Pretending to follow conversations you’ve lost track of
Emotional masks
- ☐ Performing okay-ness when you’re not okay
- ☐ Hiding meltdowns until you’re alone
- ☐ Saying “I’m fine” when you’re not
- ☐ Smiling when you’re overwhelmed
- ☐ Suppressing tears in public
- ☐ Performing enthusiasm you don’t feel
Identity masks
- ☐ Hiding diagnoses or self-recognized neurodivergence
- ☐ Adjusting the version of you for each context
- ☐ Hiding what you actually like or care about
- ☐ Performing a personality that fits the room
Part 3: The cost audit
For each YES above, ask:
What does this mask COST me? (Energy, recovery time, identity loss, etc.)
___________________________________________
What would happen if I lowered this mask in [SAFE context]?
___________________________________________
What’s the worst-case scenario if I lowered it in [WORK context]?
___________________________________________
Part 4: Pick one mask to start lowering
Don’t try to drop all of them. Pick one small mask in one safe context.
The mask:
___________________________________________
The context where it’s safest to lower:
___________________________________________
One specific way to lower it this week:
___________________________________________
(Examples: stim with your hands during a Zoom call when off-camera. Wear noise-canceling headphones in a public place. Tell ONE person about your sensory needs.)
Reminder
You did not choose to mask. You learned to mask because the alternative was worse, punishment, rejection, exclusion, harm. The masks kept you safe.
Lowering a mask is not a moral imperative. It is a choice you make in spaces where it’s safe. Some spaces will never be safe. Masking in those spaces is a survival skill, not a failure.
The goal is not to be unmasked everywhere. The goal is to know which mask you’re wearing, and to have at least ONE place where you can take it off.
Be unmasked alongside others. Try a Hive Session free for 7 days →
A worksheet from ND Hive. Built for people who have been quietly performing “normal” for years.