You are not Broken. You are wired differently.
Take what helps, skip what doesn’t, and remember you don’t have to do this alone.
Save it to your computer. Print it. Write on it. It’s yours.
A worksheet from ND Hive. Companion to “What is PDA?”
What this is
If you’ve read the PDA page, you already know the headline: this pattern doesn’t respond to motivation, willpower, or better systems. It responds to other regulated humans.
This worksheet helps you build a personal co-regulation map. Not a vague intention to “ask for help more.” A real, named, written-down plan for who, where, when, and how. Because in the middle of a shutdown, you will not be able to figure this out from scratch.
You build it once. You use it on hard days. It takes 15 to 20 minutes to fill out. It will save you hundreds of hours over the next year.
Part 1: Audit your isolation patterns
Most people with PDA over-rely on isolation as a coping strategy. It feels safer in the moment and makes the pattern worse over time.
Where do you isolate without realizing it?
Check all that apply:
- ☐ I work alone almost all of the time
- ☐ I rarely tell people when I’m stuck
- ☐ I avoid asking for help even when it’s offered
- ☐ I cancel plans on hard days instead of showing up smaller
- ☐ I hide my struggle from people who would help
- ☐ I scroll instead of reaching out
- ☐ I tell myself “I just need to push through”
- ☐ I treat needing other people as a failure
- ☐ My closest people don’t know what’s actually happening day to day
Be honest:
How many hours in a typical work day are you alone with no live human contact?
___________________________________________
How many of those hours go well?
___________________________________________
What’s the longest stretch you’ve gone recently white-knuckling something solo?
___________________________________________
Part 2: Build your co-regulation map
You don’t need 12 people. You need a few, in different roles, that you can actually reach.
The Anchor Humans
People whose presence (in person, on a call, in chat) regulates you, even without conversation.
| Name | How to reach them | When they’re typically available |
|---|---|---|
If this list is short or empty, that’s data. Building one is the work.
The Spaces
Predictable, repeating environments where you don’t have to start from scratch each time you show up.
| Space | When it meets | What I use it for |
|---|---|---|
(Examples: a Hive Session, a standing co-working call, a regular meet-up with a friend, a coach session, a therapist appointment.)
The Rhythms
Recurring time blocks that already exist in your week, where co-regulation could be added.
| Day & time | What’s already happening | Who or what could be added |
|---|---|---|
Part 3: Your “I’m stuck” signals
In the middle of a shutdown, you will not be able to write a thoughtful message asking for help. So we pre-write them.
Three messages you can copy and send when you’re stuck
A short version (8 words or fewer):
___________________________________________
A medium version (one sentence, explains what you need):
___________________________________________
A version for a specific person who already knows your patterns:
___________________________________________
Three people who get the short version
Who can you send a six-word message to without having to explain anything first?
1. ___________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________
3. ___________________________________________
Part 4: Your starting protocol
When you’re shutdown and can’t access action, run this sequence. In order.
- Don’t try to do the task. Don’t try to motivate yourself. Don’t open another tab.
- Send one of your “I’m stuck” messages to one of your three people.
- While you wait for a response: open the live Hive Session, or join a co-working call, or call someone, or sit in the same room as another adult who knows you. Any one of these.
- Once you have a regulated human in proximity (live, voice, video, or chat), name your micro-step out loud: “I’m only opening the document.” “I’m only writing one sentence.”
- Do that one micro-step. Stop. Notice what changes.
Write the protocol in your own words, with your specific people and spaces filled in:
Step 1: ___________________________________________
Step 2: ___________________________________________
Step 3: ___________________________________________
Step 4: ___________________________________________
Step 5: ___________________________________________
Part 5: This week’s commitment
Pick one. Just one.
- ☐ Add one standing co-regulation slot to my week (Hive Session, standing call, coffee with a friend at the same time every week)
- ☐ Tell one person what’s actually going on so I can use them as an Anchor Human
- ☐ Save one “I’m stuck” message in my notes app so it’s ready when I need it
- ☐ Stop trying to do the hardest task of my week alone and bring a witness to it
What I’m committing to this week:
___________________________________________
Reminder
You are not failing at doing things. You are trying to execute inside a nervous system that requires co-regulation to access action.
Once you stop trying to white-knuckle it solo and start bringing other humans into the moment with you, everything changes. Not perfectly. Not instantly. But enough.
You were never meant to do this part alone.
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Back to the full ND Handbook page on PDA →
A worksheet from ND Hive. Built for people who are done trying to outrun their own nervous system.